Self Care Coaching with Cheryl Richardson

Hi there! It’s me
Cheryl Richardson and I’m here for our weekly Facebook Live. And I will spend
probably the next 30 minutes doing my best to talking a little bit about
self-care and then doing my best to give you some coaching or answer questions
you might have. So early on you want to get your questions or whatever it is you’d
like some coaching on, you want to get it typed out so that you can post it in the
comment section. Once I ask for it you’ll be able to do it, you’ll get a better chance of me giving you the coaching that you want the earlier
you post your comments in. Plus you also want to copy it because Facebook moves
so quickly, the comments move so quickly and I can’t always scroll back. So you
might need to post it a few times. Hi Cheryl, welcome to you. Good evening to
you, too. And Lia, welcome, and Ev. Hi there Monica, glad you’re here. And Laurie and
Pia from San Diego, welcome to you. Alexandra and Lee, welcome. And Sherrie,
hello there. Alaina, good morning to you, good morning
in New Zealand, from New Zealand. Hi Nancy, welcome to you. And Debbie, glad that
you’re here. And Doreen and Kit and Laurie and Sandra and Adrienne. Adrienne,
yes. I look forward to seeing you at the Self-Care Retreat. I’m glad you’re coming.
We just opened registration. We notified the waitlist and now it’s
open to everybody. So if you go to Cheryl you’ll be able to find a
link right to it and I’ll say a little bit about that in a minute.
And we’ll also post a link here, of course, when we’re done. Hi Joanne, welcome
to you. And Gail and Cynthia, welcome. And Qui Dada from Austin, welcome to you. Hi
Heather and Christy and Margie and Terry and Joanna from North Country, New York. Did you have any snow yet or are you getting
snow as well? You probably are. So anyway, here we are. It’s January, we’re about to get a snowstorm this weekend. I started to
groan about it then I realized: Hello. It’s winter and we haven’t had much snow.
We’ve actually had pretty decent weather so I’m not going to complain. I’m going to
accept, which is what I want to talk a little bit about.
Acceptance and patience as powerful acts of self-care. Earlier today I was at a
CVS Pharmacy and I was there to drop off a prescription for a family member. And
so I waited in line. I could tell they were very busy at the pharmacy area and
I waited in line for probably 20 minutes. And when I got up to the
register the woman said to me, Oh, you’re in the wrong line. You need to go 10
feet over into this different line. And I said to her, But I’ve been waiting 20
minutes. Couldn’t you please, you can’t handle this here? And she said, No, it’s
not something I handle. You have to go over to the other line. Okay fine. I went
over to the other line and I stood in that line for about 30 minutes. And I
progressively got more and more frustrated, more and more angry.
There were several people behind the counter and I have to say they were all
busy and they were all actually really lovely people. There weren’t any jerks behind the counter,
they were just understaffed. And there was a woman in front of me, an elderly
woman, very elderly woman with a prescription that she was trying to get
filled. And they told her that they were very busy and that she’d have
to come back the next day. And the woman said, Well, but it’s supposed to snow in
the morning and I don’t know if I can get here. And there was nothing they
could do. And I just thought, I felt myself getting really, really pissed off. And I realized, this is what it
is. I can’t do anything about it. I can’t make the line go faster. I can’t insist
that this woman behind the counter fill this elderly woman’s prescription. It’s
completely out of my control. Sure, I can complain to headquarters and I will. That
this poor location seems incredibly understaffed and I think it’s important
for management to know things like that. But the reality was I couldn’t do
anything about it. I just had to accept this situation and I had to have
patience. And so I kind of grinned and bared and white-knuckled my
way to acceptance and then just started breathing. And as I was there I thought
about the people who really were seriously ill and needed
medication or the people behind the counter who were clearly overworked and
stressed out. And I just kept breathing. And before you know it, I just sort
of decided that I was just going to enjoy this moment. And I think
every single day we’re faced with situations like that, right. That’s a
minor situation compared to what a lot of us deal with. Where we’re stuck in
traffic or we’re helping an elderly parent who doesn’t move that quickly or
we’re trying to get some services somewhere that aren’t coming in the
time frame that we want. And we have an opportunity in that moment to get all
worked up and that’s what I noticed was happening. I could feel my energy rising
as I got more and more angry, more and more frustrated. I could feel my cortisol
levels increasing in my body. You know, it’s not going to do any good. It’s not
going to help anybody. It’s not going to support anybody. And there are just times
when we have to accept that we’re in a situation that we don’t like, that we
don’t want to be in but that can’t be changed right now. And so instead, I ended
up just really asking myself What could I do in this moment that
would make the moments more bearable as I accepted the situation
I was in? And I took out my phone and I went onto Instagram and I just started
looking at cat videos. And I swear to you within five or ten minutes I was
laughing and I could feel all the feel-good hormones now being
released in my body. And my body was calming down. And then guess what happens?
Then the line starts to move more quickly. And suddenly people are friendly
and lovely and helpful and as best as they could be, apologetic for the
wait, explaining that they are not understaffed. They have the amount of
staff that corporate will give them, it’s just not enough. And I could just
feel the shift in energy created a shift in the energy of the situation I was in.
And suddenly things started to flow again. So I’m sure there may be a
situation that you’re involved with right now in your own life where it
feels unacceptable or frustrating or it’s pissing you off and you just don’t
want to be dealing with it. But the reality is it’s here and you just don’t
have a choice. If you don’t have a choice, if it’s a situation that you can’t walk
away from, and there are plenty of times I couldn’t just walk away from them. I needed to
get this prescription filled so I couldn’t leave. So if you’re in a
situation where you just can’t change it right now then what you want to do is
focus on shifting your energy. How do you shift your energy from being frustrated
and angry to being at peace with the situation? I certainly also saw it as an
opportunity to practice patience, which is one of my probably most important
spiritual lessons in this lifetime: Is becoming a more patient woman. And so, as
I breathed and as I started smiling at the cat videos that I was watching or
the cat posts that I was looking at I knew that I was doing my body a favor. I
was doing my mind a favor. I was doing everybody around me a favor. And I was
shifting the energy so that things would flow more smoothly. And they did.
That’s an important act of self-care. And if you’re not faced with a situation
right now that’s requiring you to accept or to be patient, trust me, it’ll probably
show up tomorrow if not tonight or today depending on where you are. And when it
does just remember to breathe and do your best to get into a place of
acceptance and patience as quickly as possible and things will probably change. Yes, all right. So I see a lot of you are here.
I’m so glad you’re here. Thank you for joining me. You are welcome to put
questions in the comment section and I will do my best to answer them. I do want
to let you know as I mentioned earlier the Self-Care by the Sea retreat is now
open for registration. It’s April 12th through the 14th. That’s
a place where you can come and join a small group of men and women and get
some coaching by me. Every retreat is different, it’s really based on
what your needs are. And oftentimes the needs of individuals end
up being sort of universal within the group. I do a lot of one-on-one coaching
during the weekend and sometimes we do some tapping. I use the tapping therapies.
And at this retreat Russ Hudson, who is really the world’s leading expert on the
Enneagram, will be joining me again. And the Enneagram is a typing system that
really is sort of a guide that you can use for psychological and spiritual
development. It’s a really powerful tool that helps you to identify what type you
are. There are nine different types and it pegs people incredibly accurately. And
it’s a really powerful tool for understanding yourself in a deeper way,
for understanding why you get stuck, what you need to do to get unstuck. And this
retreat is all about getting out of your own way so that you can move forward and
live the life that you want to live. And so I’m looking forward to teaching with
Russ again. It’s a real treat because we don’t have a chance to do that very
often and I’m not sure when we’ll have a chance to do it again. So if you’re
familiar with the Enneagram you probably want to come and see us. And if you’re not
or if you need a weekend of self-care and focus on yourself then I
invite you to check out the retreat at I’ll post a link to it
directly here when we’re done. Okay? It’s limited to 50 people, 50, 55 people and
they sell out. So you definitely want to register sooner rather than later. Okay?
All right, let’s see what we have here. Oh thank you Kathy. Kathy says she’s
listening to the Audible version, excuse me, of Waking Up in Winter. You
know, it’s interesting Kathy. So many people have written to me to say that
they really like the audiobook because they feel like they’re hearing
my voice and they feel like they’re taking the journey with me. I think
there’s something about Waking Up in Winter being a journal and then reading
it that just makes it feel more personal and intimate. I’m glad that it spoke to
you in some important way. That’s awesome. Let’s see. All right. I’m going to look here
to see. Lori says: I have four cats. We learn so much from cats. Boy, is that
true. So I’m looking at your questions. So Heather, yes. Heather says: This is so
timely, thank you. I said goodbye to my sweet 15-year-old kitty yesterday after
a battle with cancer. Today I’m trying to breathe and accept and be thankful for
our years together and that she’s no longer in pain. I miss her so much.
I understand, Heather, I really do. It’s a profound act of love to put an animal to
rest that’s not well. I remember it vividly when we
made the decision to put Poupon to rest. I knew with every fiber of my being that
I loved this little cat so much that there was no way I was going to let him
suffer. I would take the suffering on to make sure that he didn’t suffer. And 15
years is a long time, sweetheart. And I’m going to put you in my prayer book right
here. You all know my red prayer book I always mention. I’ll put you in there,
Heather, and just breathe. Here’s what I want you
to know. I say this all the time on Facebook Live because this comes up a
lot. You will get through this. There will be another side. There’ll be a time where
the pain will come and it’ll pass quickly and you’ll be left with
beautiful memories. But it’s going to take a while. And I have no doubt that you
will get through this and that you’ll reach that point where you’ll just have
these beautiful fond memories. Yeah, and I’m sending you lots of love and you’re in the prayer book. All right, let’s
see. Yeah, I love this. Jennifer says when she has to wait: I always think,
Oh well, my angels must be protecting me from something I don’t need to be
involved with. Yeah, I had a friend Susan who used to always say, when I was
stuck in traffic, she’d say: Oh, the Universe doesn’t want you to get there
yet. There’s a reason and I loved that. So Laurie says: I’m an artist at heart and I can’t change furlough circumstances so
I’m focused on all my inner work and loving my creative time, embracing this
moment. I just got your book from the library. I don’t own one of your books
yet. You will someday hopefully, Laurie. And it’s a great way to use furlough
time for sure. So let’s see. I’m just looking for questions. Alice says: Cheryl,
I’m pursuing embarking a shift into a life transformation career from nurse
practitioner to yoga instructor. I’m new to the area and unfamiliar with the town.
Please coach me on how I best begin this journey. So being new to the area,
obviously I’m assuming you’ve already been trained as a yoga instructor. That’s
awesome, and what a wonderful combination to have the experience as a nurse
practitioner and then to be able to do the yoga. So how do you get to know
what’s going on in town? Well, I always like to combine self-care with meeting
people. So is there a gym that you can join, but a gym that’s really focused on community and connection? I would take
lots of yoga classes so that you get to learn the studios in your area, the
people that go to yoga classes in your area. You may come across places that
would invite you to teach by taking their classes. People are always, I mean, my understanding is that yoga studios are
always looking for teachers depending on where you’re living. I don’t
know how big the area is. I would also look for where you might volunteer.
Is there an animal shelter nearby? You could even volunteer at a
nursing home and maybe end up doing yoga there for some of the patients. Or
an assisted living facility. You could volunteer there and meet some
people. You know, when I came off the road and decided to really invest in
a more local community where I lived I found a gym that was very community
oriented. I started taking classes, I started talking to people. I mean, that’s
the other thing I want to say to you is Alice, thank you. I’m glad you
reposted this, Alice, I couldn’t get your name. It went by too quickly. Alice, the
other thing that’s really important is start talking to everybody. When you’re
in the right energetic space and when you go out into town whether you go to
the post office or a flower shop or the grocery store
start practicing being really social and friendly and warm. Because what that does
is a couple things. Number one, it helps you to meet people without a doubt.
Number two, it opens up the energy, it makes you approachable. And you’ll find
that people will approach you because of that. And it also kind of sends a message
to the Universe that you are open and receptive to new opportunities and then
they magically start appearing. I’ve done this for years and it’s quite amazing
how it works. So I hope that those are, I hope that those are helpful. Make sure
that you have some kind of a job that gives you a consistent source of income,
you’re not worried about money. When we’re worried about money and we’re
trying to build a business we’re not as attractive. And I’m talking
about energetically as attractive as we are when we feel safe and secure
financially. So it’s important that you have money coming in in some way and some consistent way so that you can build this business without suffering as
you do it, without feeling desperate or anxious about where the money is going
to come from. That doesn’t put out the right energetic vibe. So anyway, I
hope that’s helpful, Alice. Let’s see. Okay, so Laurie says: What do you do when you
believe with all your heart that you can live your passion but your husband
doesn’t? He just lacks faith but I’m affirming I can do this. I think he’s
scared. Yeah. Well, you need to find out what he’s scared about, Laurie. Is it that,
are you the breadwinner or part of the breadwinner? And is he concerned that
you’re going to lose income if you’re following your passion? The
important thing in that situation is to make sure that you have a plan, that
you sit down and you talk with him about your plans to make sure that you
continue to contribute financially to the household if that’s what you do. But
to also find out what he’s afraid of. Is it just a belief he has
in his head that he’s projecting onto you or is there some concern
related to you in the household? Is he afraid he’s going to have to take on more
financial burden or to work more? Find out what he’s afraid of and then make a
plan. If you are part of the breadwinner, if you are one of the
breadwinners of the family you’re going to probably need to build your,
pursue your passion on the side until it becomes a viable source of income. Okay.
I’m drinking mushroom tea. It’s really good. Oh, let’s see, let’s see here. Just looking at your questions, trying to read
through all of these. Yeah, thanks Maria. I’m glad you’re enjoying Waking Up in
Winter. That’s great. Let’s see. Looking for your questions.
Cindy says: Cheryl, how do you deal with knowing there are homeless cats and dogs
outside in the winter? I worry so much about them and feel helpless and sick
thinking of how they might be suffering. Please help. You know, Cindy, it’s funny.
Russ Hudson and I talked about this one day because I’m very empathetic and I
love animals. And I mean I worry about the deer and the raccoons and the birds.
One of the things I did that really helped me was I started volunteering
time at the Center for Wildlife in Maine, southern Maine near where I live. And
I’ve been coaching their leadership team and I’ve been supporting them as they’re
building this beautiful Wildlife Center. And I’ve been putting my energy in my
thinking toward what I can control. And I’ve learned a lot about how incredibly
resilient and smart animals are, how they have survival instincts beyond what
we have and how they’re able to really handle circumstances. Some of them are built to
handle circumstances that we don’t realize they’re built to handle. Now,
freezing cold temperatures is a whole different story,
I understand. One time I was talking to Russ about this and Russ said to me:
Cheryl, start to shift your thinking from all of the animals that are suffering to
all of the animals that have been rescued and that are being cared for
right now. And Cindy, I want you to know it’s a conscious practice. And I began to
do that any time I would think, Oh gosh, we’re going to have a blizzard,
I hope the deer are okay. First of all, I got educated about deer. Deer, they’re
amazingly capable of handling harsh, harsh, harsh weather. So that was helpful. But I started to think about how resilient
animals are or I started to think about how the cat shelter near
our home had people coming in all the time rescuing cats. I started to think
about my friends who have rescued animals. Two of my closest friends just
rescued a couple of dogs from Arkansas and they’re the best pet parents. So what
you want to recognize, Cindy, is the world is a harsh place and you can’t
fix it all. You know, trying to save everyone and everything is a whole
lot of people and a whole lot of things. And so it’s really, you need to shift
your thinking because there will always be suffering in the world, that’s part of
the human condition. We want to contribute to the healing of the world
not the suffering of the world. And that begins with us. So my volunteering at the
Center for Wildlife has taught me so much about animals. It’s helped me to
focus on their strengths and their resilience and it’s given me a chance to
give back. Worrying about animals isn’t giving back,
it’s contributing to the problem. So you want to consciously begin to shift your
thinking and you want to see where you might be able to volunteer so that you
feel like you’re actively involved. You see we suffer when we worry about what
we can’t control. But when we’re doing something to contribute in some way we
stop the suffering, and that’s what I would recommend for you. I hope that’s
helpful. All right, let’s see. Yeah, oh thanks Sherry. Sherry says: if in doubt about the return on investment of the retreat please just
go. It really is worth it. Thank you. You know I have to say, I do have to say that
my retreats are life-changing and that’s not just marketing. I’ve been
doing them for 16, 17 years now. And the number of people who still till this day
came 15 years ago and say their lives aren’t the same is pretty high and I’m
very, very grateful for that and proud of that, quite frankly. I love doing
work that really changes people in very significant ways.
Okay, let’s see. Bear with me everybody, I’m trying to go through, okay. Jennifer says: I’m a beginning boundary setter. That’s very sweet. How do I learn to respect my boundary
setting and let go of the guilt of telling people no. Still feeling like I
don’t really know who I am. Lots of childhood trauma.
Okay. Well, whenever there’s childhood trauma you definitely want to get good
therapy, in particular from therapists who specialize in dealing with childhood
trauma. And especially if they combine the psychological and the physical,
the body, mind and spirit. Really good therapy is important, Jennifer. And
part of the reason that’s important is because when we start to set
boundaries it does bring up anxiety. It can bring up guilt and we can get
pushback from people who are used to us taking care of them or always saying yes.
So you want to make sure you’ve got some good support in place so you feel like
you’ve got backup, right. And you want to embrace the guilt. We can’t just get rid
of it. The goal here, Jennifer, is to get so comfortable with feeling guilty that
it loses all its power over you. So, I still feel guilty. There are things
I do and I end up feeling guilty afterwards. But I talk to myself. I say to
myself: Sweetheart, you know what? You’re a good human being and you take care of a
lot of people and you deserve to take care of yourself.
And you get to take care of yourself first because that’s how you take good care of other people. So I know you’re feeling
guilty right now but you know what? I’ve got your back. You’re whole, you’re happy,
you’re going to be okay because I’m going to stand by you. That’s really
important, Jennifer. I’m going to stand by you. And the guilt dissipates more
quickly when we don’t resist it, when we don’t feed into it. But we just go: Oh
hello guilt, there you are. Must mean I’m doing something right.
I’m on the right track. For a lot of people who are just beginning to set
boundaries and practice self-care, guilt is a sign that you’re doing the right
thing. That’s what I say. So anyway, keep doing it. Celebrate your guilt. Just tell
yourself: This is awesome. I’m doing something right. How great is that! And
good for you for setting boundaries. Really, really important. And please make
sure you get some really good support for the past trauma. It will make it
easier for you. Yeah, thank you Anne. I received that, thank you. Let’s see. I’ve
got just a few more minutes here. I’m just scrolling through. Kate: Will there
be some additional or different things with Rick’s presentation? You must mean Russ.
Yes, definitely going to be different. The whole thing’s going to be different, the
retreat she’s asking about. I never do the same retreat twice. I get bored with
myself. Alice says: How do I participate in the gratitude challenge? Do you tweet?
Well, I do a gratitude challenge. Yes, on on Instagram under @coachoncall. I do a
gratitude challenge every night. I list five things I’m grateful for and then I
ask people to do the same thing. So I would encourage you to follow me on
Instagram or you can just respond to the tweet with the five
things that you’re grateful for. I look at those as well on Twitter and @coachon
call is the username there, too. So I hope that’s helpful, Alice. All right, let’s see. Good Jennifer, I’m glad. Okay, let’s see.
One more question and then I’ve got to run quickly this week. I can’t stay for
as long as I did last time. Good. Heather says: Alfie, my 8-month-old puppy is in
the Animal Hospital. I see him slowly improving. Acceptance I am
learning. Yes. How can I help him get better, please? You know, Heather, this
reminds me of a little story. Louise Hay and I were in London several years ago
and we were teaching our last workshop together, a weekend workshop. And my
mother got sick and was rushed to the hospital. And I found out at 11 o’clock
my time in London at the time and I was really upset. There was
nothing I could do, I was across the pond. And I remembered something Louise said
to me, that you can do affirmations for others and I think you can do
affirmations for animals as well. So Heather, I would start, as you feel the
anxiety come up, I would start saying things like: Every hand that touches
Alfie is a healing hand. Alfie is at peace and resting and healing quickly
and easily. Alfie’s body is strong and she or he
and he’s healing in the perfect way at the perfect time. Just keep
affirming affirmations. You can do this for anybody, any of you who have a loved
one who’s sick or a loved animal who’s sick that you’re worried about. Every
hand that touches them is a healing hand. They heal quickly and easily. And then
also do some affirmations for yourself. The more patient I am the quicker Alfie
heals. How about that one, right? Or the more accepting I am, the more peaceful I
am, the more peaceful Alfie is. Alfie is surrounded by peaceful people. He’s
surrounded by loving people. Keep affirming that and before you know it,
Heather, what will happen is your constant worry
thoughts will turn into positive affirmations. You’re actually,
you’re retraining the brain, you’re building new neural networks. Because
what happens is when we worry it’s like we’re building a group, we’re building a
pattern in the brain, a neural network in the brain. And that pattern gets
stronger and stronger and stronger the more we worry. This is true for all of us.
This is why affirmations can be helpful. Because suddenly if you start affirming
that he’s in loving hands and he’s being taken care of, he’s
healing quickly and easily you’re actually building a new pathway and
you’re deepening that groove and that’s going to support you, the both of you as he
heals. And he’s healing, which is awesome. And ICU is the perfect place because
they’re watching him and they’re taking good care of him. And you know what I’m
going to do? I’m also going to put you and Alfie in the prayer book, how’s that? Give
you a little extra boost of energy and healing. So Heather and Alfie, okay.
All right everybody. Thank you so much for joining me tonight. I hope that you’ve
got something out of what I said for any of the coaching that I offered
other people. I send you all lots of love and healing energy and support for
the challenges that you’re faced with. I know there’s a lot of loss here. I see
that. You know, life is about birth and death and beginnings and endings and
I get that it can be hard. Oh, before I go I just want to say, everybody always
asked me about this card. I’m so glad I remembered this. This is a card, I
got it when I was in London years ago. It’s from ARTHOUSE. Let me see if you can
see that. ARTHOUSE. So maybe it’s printed in the UK and maybe you can
look it up. But unfortunately it doesn’t have a name. And it
was a Christmas card and it’s the Divine Mother and it’s beautiful. I
love it so much that I keep it, I keep it out all the time because it just makes
me feel good. It keeps me connected to the Divine Feminine.
All right my friends, thank you for being here. I’m really glad you are. I’m so
appreciative that you joined me. I hope to see some of you at the retreat and I
look forward to being with you next week. All right, take good care. Bye.

2 thoughts on “Self Care Coaching with Cheryl Richardson

  1. Omg yes that full moon brought up so many emotions i had to accept, heal & self love. Fast fwd a week later and I’m filled with so much love and gratitude ❤️❤️🙏🏿

  2. Yes, I love multi-passionate soulpreneurs! Love the advice you gave the yoga instructor about integrating self-care along with offering her services to her community! So good!

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