Love your Self, not yourself | Real Self-love
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Hey everyone, welcome to my channel! My name is Martijn Dieleman and I create videos
about true spirituality and nondualism to help myself and others on our joint journey
back home and to reach a permanent state of inner peace and happiness. How do you see what you do not want to see? Is that even possible? Obviously it’s not. Even if what your eyes show you is something
you do not find pleasant you are only able to see it because you wanted to see it. I’m not talking about the individual human
you here, I refer to the part of your mind that takes all decisions for you, your unconscious
mind that rules your experience in life. It’s quite simple to see the dynamics when
you understand that everything you perceive is actually an attempt to keep you from finding
God, from finding Oneness within yourself. Everything is focused on the individuality
of the you, even in most spiritual teachings you will find that separation is promoted
by talking about self-love. Funny enough most of the time within these
teachings self-love is attained by separation from other people. You are being told that you are worthy and
therefore other people are denominated as narcissists, abusers and other terms that
come to mind. Not realizing that they are part of our own
creation too and that by rejecting them you are actually rejecting a part of yourself,
creating more separation and moving away from who you really are. So even when we are on a seeming spiritual
path we continue to build walls around ourselves to sustain the glorification of the existence
of individuality. This is what sometimes is also called the
spiritual ego. It’s very sneaky because it makes you believe
that you are being more loving and vibrating higher than you were before but also more
than other people and thus the objective of the ego-mind is achieved and separation and
specialness continue to exist. What we really have to do is very simple and
there is no better way to describe it than it was done in A Course in Miracles. Your task is not to seek for love, but merely
to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. [T-16.IV.6:1] You see, we are always searching for ourselves,
albeit consciously or unconsciously. Everything we do in life ultimately is because
we believe it’s going to make us feel better in one way or another. Most people come to a point in their life,
usually in their thirties or forties, that they realize that they do not love themselves. They find out they have no self-love whatsoever. Life has become a compromise, “I give this
up, so I can get that from you”. In all these attempts to feel better and become
happy we have never realized that we have been trading happiness for guilt. You give me happiness and I project my guilt
on you. After decades of trying to become happy as
a trader of guilt, we come to realize that somehow we always end up with something that
feels like a lack of self-love. We’ve started to take care of our own bodies
and minds, we take “me time” and stop to do things for other people that we really
don’t want to do. We prioritize ourselves, as individuals and
often have built invisible fences to defend ourselves and to protect the self-love that
we have fought for so hard to obtain. But after some time, we find that deep within
ourselves there is still something lacking. There is this famous quote that often is attributed
to Buddha, it says: “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison
and expecting the other person to die.” I’ve come up with my own version of it:
“Defending your self-love is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” You see, love can never only be of yourself. Once you come to understand the truth about
the world we live in you will realize that we are all the same. What you do to others, you do to yourself. But what others do to you, also comes from
yourself. None of what I have said has anything to do
with the practical world we believe to live in. But it has everything to do with how you perceive
the world you believe to live in. If you believe you need to defend yourself
from others to maintain your self-love, you can bet you will lose it soon. Remember, this world is an illusion. And you are a part of it. You cannot truly love things that do not really
exist. And if you believe to love someone or something
within this illusion it is guaranteed that you are still attached to the ego. The ego that projected this world to escape
from our true reality as Spirit. So, when I say that you are still attached
to the ego when you love someone or something within this illusion, I also mean to say that
if you love yourself as an individual human being, the persona that you have created over
the decades, you are still attached to the ego. And operating within this world through the
thought system of the ego. Remember these lines from the introduction
of A Course in Miracles: “Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists.” If this is true, and it is, then there is
never a need to defend yourself from anything in this world. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t stand
up for yourself or seek a safe place to hide if you are physically being attacked. But it does mean that in your mind you hold
no anger towards the person or thing that is threatening your safety as an individual. It means being defenseless in your mind, it
means seeing the truth about reality through the other person or situation. As the course says towards the end of the
text: “Anger is never justified.” [T-30.VI.1:1] Because if you hold anger towards someone
else or towards yourself, you recognize that the original separation from God did happen
and that you, as the Son of God, are guilty of making that decision. True love holds no grievances. Not because you don’t see what is happening
in the world. But because you understand that what appears
to be happening is not real. I know this is all very deep and look, there’s
nothing wrong with loving yourself. But as long as you do not love others as you
love yourself, you will find that you will eventually return to a point in life that
you thought you would never have to return to. Suffering. Therefore my advice is to love your Self not
yourself. The Self with capital S includes everyone
and only that type of love will give you the inner peace that you are really searching
for. Thank you for watching, and I’m looking
forward to seeing you in the next video.

3 thoughts on “Love your Self, not yourself | Real Self-love

  1. In this video, I'm talking about the difference between self-love and true Self-love. There is a huge difference!

  2. If nothing unreal exists, then how can illusions exist? How can we even talk about them? And are these really objective phenomena? Can it be that what is real to me is illusion to someone else?

  3. "The things you see around have no meaning….Your thoughts don't mean anything….lf you dont love others,it's not true self love…."
    In the course of seeing everything and everyone as unreal,it is natural to stop seeing meaning in all of that,to stop caring for others,to stop doing things for others. It is possible to see ourselves as unreal and so there is no point in self love or Self love.
    You love others and you love yourself,still there is suffering.why?
    Defending yourself love…..?Nice definition for anger.we can't swallow it,we can't express it ,then how can we deal with it?Of course we all feel anger at some point.
    Thank you for talking about this!

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