-Here at “Late Night,” every
night, I deliver a monologue comprised of jokes written
by a diverse team of writers. As a result, a lot of jokes
come across my desk that due to my being
a straight white male would be difficult
for me to deliver, but we don’t think that should
stop you from enjoying them. So we’d like to share them
with you now in a segment called
“Jokes Seth Can’t Tell.” ♪♪ [ Cheers and applause ] -These are two of our writers, Amber and Jenny, everybody. -I’m black. -And I’m gay. -And we’re both women. -And I am not. So, here’s how this works. I’m gonna read
the setups to these jokes, and Amber and Jenny
will read the punch lines. So here we go. Soccer star Megan Rapinoe
recently appeared on the cover
of “Sports Illustrated” wearing a dress
and holding a sledgehammer. -A dress and a sledgehammer, or as lesbians call it,
“business casual.” [ Laughter ] -A black conservative
running for Congress is describing himself as a
“Trump-supporting, gun-owning, liberty-loving, pro-life, politically incorrect
black man.” -Or if that’s too long, you can just go with
“incorrect black man.” [ Laughter ] -The new movie “Star Wars:
The Rise of Skywalker” features a lesbian kiss. -And for most woman,
so does college. [ Laughter ] -Facebook has developed an app that uses facial recognition
software to identify people. -And it really works. Take it from me, Leslie Jones. [ Laughter ] -True story? -True story! Sorry, Facebook.
You tagged the wrong person. [ Laughter ] -The United Methodist Church
announced they will be splitting in two, and one half will now allow
same-sex marriage. -The other half will have
a terrible choir. [ Laughter ] Hey, Seth. What do you call
a straight choir? -What?
[ Laughter ] -Hey, Seth.
What do call a white choir? -What’s that?
[ Laughter ] The governor of Wisconsin
signed a bill that allows kids to sell
Kool-Aid without a permit. -But are cops still gonna hassle
black kids selling Kool-Aid? [ As Kool-Aid Man ] “Oh, yeah.” [ Laughter ] -And now, Amber,
have the cops ever hassled you? -[ As Kool-Aid Man ] Oh, yeah. [ Laughter ] -The New Jersey Devils — The New Jersey Devils
hockey team recently hosted an LGBTQ pride night. -“I hope they get in a fight,” said the players
about the lesbians. [ Laughter ] -The website Lifehacker
recently posted an article titled, “Buy Your White Kid
a Black Doll.” -Actually, the full title
of the article is, “Buy Your White Kid
a Black Doll, But Watch What They Do With It.” [ Laughter ] -Hey, Seth.
Why don’t you tell one? -Oh, gosh.
I don’t think I should. -Come on, Seth. Just one. -I feel like if I do one of
these, it’s not gonna end well. -Aww, please. -Oh, okay. I trust you. You are my friends. [ Laughter ] NASA has announced that it wants to put a female
astronaut on the moon by 2024 so she can decorate it. [ Light laughter ] -How dare you! -You told me it would be okay! Black women and lesbians
are liars! ♪♪ [ Cheers and applause ] We’ll be right back
with more “Late Night.”