Half of my body
is dangling to its death. Yep, I’m dead.
Yep, I’m definitely dying. Hey, okay.
I’m CalebCity and I almost died trying to be
American Ninja Warrior. You know how they tell you
at the beginning of those shows, “Don’t try this at home”? Yeah, I ignored that.
Me and my brother and my cousin, we watched a lot
of Ninja Warrior, people that do parkour,
ninja rolls, back flips. We were into all that. We wanted to jump off
of some shit. We decided…
Not we, my brother. My brother decided,
“Yo, we should just practice it until we’re old enough
to do it.” We would go to the school
most of the time. It was a pretty big school. Preschool, elementary,
middle school. The middle school section
had the taller buildings. They had
the two-story buildings, the three-story buildings. My brother’s like,
“Bro, let’s go over there.” It’s the tallest building
in the school, he wants to climb it
and I’m like, “You’re crazy as hell, right?” He’s crazy, right?
“Yeah, let’s do it!” “They’re gonna go do it
and I’m not gonna be left out. What am I gonna do? Go home? I’m no bitch. I’m doing it.
Imma do it.” It turns out that the best way
was the rain pipe. We seen, on Ninja Warrior, them crawl up this pipe
with their feet on the wall and they would shimmy
their way up. I don’t know.
It’s this motion like ripping it and climbing it like a rain pipe for three stories,
very dangerous. At any point in time
if just slipped off, you’re falling and lending
and then splat, you are now paste.
Stupid, stupid kids. We did that. We got to the top.
We just started doing dumb shit. We’re jumping off of walls.
We’re having fun. We’re jumping around,
jumping off the doors. They’re doing flips, I’m not,
but I’m around to see it. We’re making our way over
to the shorter buildings and we see the police pull up. The school had
a silent alarm system. If people were on the roof
at a certain time, it would call the police.
That was enough to freak me out. While their lights are flashing, my life is flashing
before my eyes. I’m thinking if we’re
going to go to jail. We didn’t know that
they were coming for us, but we were right,
they were there for us. My brothers start freaking out, start sprinting
to the next roof, not looking back at all.
What? What are you doing? He plans on jumping
from roof to roof to quickly get to the other side
of the school, so then we could then
jump the fence and then walk back to our house. My cousin right, behind them.
They leave me. I’m still behind like,
“Yo, what’s going on? Wait, where are you going?”
We just hide. They’re jumping down
onto the smaller buildings and then climbing back up
onto the other buildings. They were actually
jumping from roof to roof. I’m convinced they think
they’re in a action movie. I’m not as agile as them. I was small, four foot
nothing with a bigger head. I’m taking my time. All right, I got to get off
of the building legs first to see what
I’m working with here, make sure that I got the right
footing, slide down, got it. The building before we get
to the outside of the school, for me, tall as hell. There’s a gap in-between
the one that we’re on and the one that leads
to escape, a large gap. And there was debris down there,
skulls, bones, lasers. It was a long drop, okay? I fall to my death
and land on spikes. I see my brother sprint, jump over it like
it’s the Matrix. His feet are like,
and make it. My cousin does
the exact same thing, jumps over this gigantic gap,
clears that shit. They’re on the other side,
still running, mind you. They’re not looking behind them. They’re not even making sure
that I’m okay. “Am I? No, I’m not okay.
Come back.” I’m not going to be left behind,
the cops aren’t going to get me. I’m about to do it too.
I’m running, I’m sprinting and the closer I’m getting
to the edge of the roof that I’m on, the further away
the next roof is getting. “They made this? What?
They made this jump?” And so, I stopped. I got to let them know
I can’t make this. We got to find
a different way. And my brother’s mad like,
“Yo, like really? Come on, let’s go.”
He’s rushing me, so now I feel like I’m a burden
and I’m like, “Oh shit.” I can’t go back because
the police are that way. I’ll go to jail and die. “You know what? No.
If they did it, I can do it.” I’m sprinting as fast as I can
and then jumped the gap. My foot slips off of the edge,
my foot goes directly down. All the momentum just went
straight down off that edge. The rest of my body is just
in the air doing the dolphin. I don’t know
if you guys seen that? I’m doing this in the air.
I’m in mid-jump, “I’m dead. I’m dead. I’m dead.
I’m gonna die. I’m gonna die.
I’m gonna die.” Instead of my feet
touching the top of the roof, my body slams
into the side of the roof. My whole lower half
didn’t make it. Half of my body
is dangling to its death. I can’t even scream
for my cousin and my brother to come help me
because I’m so scared, I’m just hyperventilating,
complete fear in my eyes. I’m trying to hold on
and I’m scraping up my hand. There’s nothing
but death under me. The next logical step
is that I’m about to die. I’m freaking out.
I’m about to fall and die. “Yep, I’m dead.
Yep, I’m definitely dying.” My vision is going from seeing
them run to me to the sky. And as I’m falling, my brother
finally grabs my wrist and starts pulling me
back up out, “No, like no,
get the other one.” And my cousin grabs that arm,
they pulled me up. Forever in their debt,
good looking. Thanks guys for leaving me. They took no responsibility
whatsoever, didn’t apologize, nothing. We ended up
getting away after that, making it off that roof safely and just walking by the police
like, “How you doing, officer?” They really didn’t care
about it, hey. And come to think of it,
even if they did catch us, how old was I?
10? They weren’t going
to do anything. They’re like,
“Stay off the roof.” Literally, I could’ve died.
I literally could have died. If I fell off of that
three-story building into whatever sharp objects
was waiting there for me, I was dead.
I died in the fifth grade. I accept that fact,
let’s go home. All right, I’m done.
I’m never parkouring again. Hey, CalebCity,
thanks for the views. I’m here at Comedy Central
taking over for a week and if you want to see
more of me doing videos at Comedy Central, look at some
of these videos here, in this general area and here,
in this general area.