4 Steps To Escape The “Friend Zone”

Today, I want to share with you a good answer to one of the
most common questions that ever hits my inbox and that is — how do I get out of the friendzone? And what I have to say is that this is a question, quite frankly, that I have no experience with; I’ve never been in the
friendzone and I will never be in the friendzone. That is a total lie; I’ve been in the friendzone more often that I would like to admit. In fact, a lot of my young adult life was spent pining over girls that I had a crush on and never really knowing how or when to show that interest in them so I have complete empathy and understanding of this position and I have actually had the experience of getting out of the friendzone in my life so just know that while the advice I’m going to give to you is going to be direct and it might sound a little bit harsh at times, it comes from a place of wanting to motivate you to do better and to
do the best things that I did rather than stay stuck there. And the last piece that I’ll say — before we get into the advice is that I am
going to use the gender of a guy who is interested in a girl that he likes. Now, this can come in all different configurations but quite frankly, 99% of the messages that I get are this and this is what I have familiarity with. If you are different, if you’re a guy who likes a guy or a girl likes a guy or whatever sort of configuration, this advice still
applies to you; I’m just going to speak in that way. So the first thing is a mindset thing and oftentimes, guys talk about the friendzone as if it were a place that they got put in by a girl that they like. They say, “She friendzoned me. She put me in the friend zone,” and quite frankly this is a denial of responsibility. You put yourself in the friend zone when you didn’t
make your honest interest in this person clear. Now, there is good news to this which is that if you want to get out of the friendzone, it’s not something that she needs to
allow you to do — it is something that you can do. Now, you might get out of there one way or another and it might not be the perfect way that you would like to get out of the friendzone but you do not have to stay stuck there so just know that the friendzone is a place where you wind up and when you prefer hiding your true feelings rather than being honest about them and risking quote-unquote rejection and we want to move past that. The second piece is this — the most common way in my life, and in the life of my friends and clients, and of people that I’ve seen — people actually do wind up dating a girl that they were very close friends with — is that they actually step back. And they take some time to focus not on how-do-I-get-her-to-like me but they focus on themselves for a period of weeks or even months. And in my life, what this looked like was, in college there were plenty of girls that I had crushes on, nothing ever happened, I was kind of friendly with them and I went abroad and I spent a full year abroad in Spain and Costa Rica. I studied Spanish, learn to speak Spanish, learn to dance, dated a Costa Rican girl and really transformed the way that I behaved and felt about myself. So that when I came back it was a common refrain that, “Charlie, there’s something different about you,” and that resulted in me actually having relationships, some of them were fairly short-lived, with people that had previously friendzoned me or I felt like they had friendzoned me so just know that this is a very common way and if you want to go this longer route and you feel like, “I don’t need to necessarily do it tomorrow or this week,” which is advice I’m gonna give you in later steps, you can focus on yourself and
quite frankly, I recommend you do this anyway — find genuine interest of yours. Pursue them and you will find that women and men, whoever we’re talking about here, become more attracted to you for it. So third step — let’s assume that you do not want to do the multi-month thing where you focus on yourself; you’re gonna do that but you
want a faster track to find out if you can get out of this. The third step is going to be to steady your nerves because we’re gonna do something that requires courage
and what I mean by doing that is there’s two steps. The first thing is to imagine the worst-case scenario
of revealing your feelings — of going for it. And what you might picture is that you sit down you tell her, “Hey, I’ve liked you for a long time. How do you feel?” and she bursts out in laughter, she ridicules you, she makes fun of you, “How could you ever be so stupid as to think,” that she says, “I have no interest to you,” when she walks out laughing, right? That is about as worst-case as I can imagine. In fact, that is kind of comic book villain worst case scenario for revealing to a friend that you have a crush on them. That’s, quite frankly, not a bad likely scenario but it’s the worst case and what you can realize about that scenario is that — one — you’re not dating them which is the position that you’re in right now and all that you would be dealing with is another person kind of mean to you. In fact, there’s nothing shameful in having a crush and being rejected. There’s something more shameful and being rude and mean about that but it is the case all the time with the most successful people in the world that they have chased what they wanted and not gotten it. And that is a stepping stone to success in life and quite frankly, something to be proud of even though it hurts in the moment so just to realize the worst case scenario that isn’t that bad is totally survivable. And the second thing is to make really clear what you are costing yourself by not going for it. The first thing is that — I don’t think a lot of people
realize this — they’re trying to minimize the risk. They want to create a scenario where she kind of comes after them and where they can deny the fact that they were interested so that
they don’t risk outright rejection; they could always play it off. And what you don’t realize is by minimizing the risk, you minimize the chances that she’s interested in you because, men and women alike, we are attracted to people who go for the things that they want while knowing that they might not get them because what that signals to all of us and what we are all attracted to is people with high self-esteem which brings me to the next point in here which is that the longer you spend not going for it, the more you’re signaling to yourself that you’re not worthy of pursuing the things that you want, that you can’t handle someone else saying no to you, that you would rather say no to yourself first rather than give them the opportunity to
do that and that’s going to decrease your self-esteem. On the other hand, if you do pursue it, you go for
it no matter what happens, you’re telling yourself, “I have faith in you to handle what the world throws at you. I believe that your wants are worth pursuing. I believe that you
can be honest about the way that you feel in this world,” and that will raise your self-esteem so no matter the outcome, if you come and do that with this mindset you’re going to feel better about it afterwards and I have to tell you I have gotten emails from guys who have done this kind of thing, told the girl that they like them, it didn’t go well and they email me with so many exclamation points about how incredibly amazing they feel on the inside just for doing it which brings me to the third point — no matter how it turns out — say, that you guys wound up dating or that it’s not the case — the third piece is that there’s oftentimes women in your life that, you are just not realizing, could be a great potential match for you because you’re
so stuck on this one person and this was the case for me. Back in high school, I spent probably the better part of my junior to senior year focusing on one girl and we wound up at the end of this huge press kissing I think one time and then nothing came of it. In the meantime, there was another girl who was in one of my classes who was very smart, very pretty, made an effort to hang out with my friends, was constantly being bright and cheery and positive when the class was boring and I was so obsessed with this one girl and it didn’t even occur to me to try to see what could be there and it was only in
retrospect looking back years later that I was like, “Oh, my god…” I don’t wanna say her name but
she liked me — that could have been a thing and she was cool in all these ways; I just was incapable of seeing it. When you’re so focused on this one thing and you’re not going for it, not only are you blocking yourself for getting that thing but there’s this whole world of other people and other opportunities that are out there that you could open your mind to and I don’t just mean people to date; I mean other ways that you could improve yourself;
other things you could be doing that are exciting. You’ve got all your focus on thinking this can
make you happy and you miss the world for it. So what I hope you realize is that in terms of studying your nerves, you have so much more to lose by not revealing how you feel than you do by going out and risking one person saying that they don’t want to date you which brings me to the final piece which is if you want to do with this today, tomorrow, or this week, I fully encourage it and that is to reveal your feelings. Now, I am not suggesting that you reveal your feelings and then ask this person to be your girlfriend because quite frankly, a lot of guys spend a lot of time fantasizing about what this relationship could be and they spent so much time thinking about in their head they think they’re on a playing field to be ready to date that person. You don’t know if that’s the case; you’ve really not had any sort of romantic relationship with them so what I recommend
is not saying, “Do you want to be my girlfriend?” it’s just letting them know that you are interested in finding out if they feel the same way so for that, if you’re looking for something to say, what I recommend is find a time when you’re alone with this person when you could sit down maybe towards the end of an evening or the end of a hangout together and just say something like, “Hey. I know this is kind of out of the blue but there’s something that I wanted to get off my chest and tell you. I like you. I have liked you for a long time as more than a friend and I have no idea if you feel the same way but I just had to tell you because because life is short and because I would really regret it if I wasn’t honest about this,” and then you can sit and just let them respond. They might be shocked, they might come back and
say I like you too… any number of things might happen. If they do give you an indication and they say, “I feel the same way,” or “I’m
surprised but I don’t know. Maybe there’s something there; I’d be I’m open to it,” a very simple way to bridge the gap from you’re-friends
to now you’re-something-else is to say, “Okay. Well, this has been a long time coming then,” and lean it to kiss her. Now, you do not have to make out and it doesn’t have to be an intense 30-second French kiss but kiss her on the lips and what that does is that breaks this pattern of okay-we’re-friends to there’s-something-else-that-is-quite-frankly-that-
happened-and-we’re-in-a-different-phase-of-our-relationship-right-now. At that point, you can set up a time to hang out, maybe go on an official date… whatever it is but you were out of the friend zone and of course if she does say, “I’m not interested,” a lot of guys say, “It’s okay. So what happens?” and quite frankly, what do you want to happen? Do you still want to be her friend? If you do in that case, go, “Okay. Well, I’m really happy that I said this. We can still be friends and still hang out but at least now I feel like I’ve been honest with you and I can move on in other
areas of my life and we can still hang out like we have.” You don’t need to check in, “Is it all cool? Is everything okay?” Quite frankly, a lot of people think it’s awkward to go for what they want and not get it and what I mean by going for what they want, that can be a job,
it can be a person that they would like to date… whatever it is, that is the way of life; you’re going to desire
things in your life and it’s not going to work out. You don’t need to feel guilty or awkward about it or make sure that everybody else is okay with the fact that you’ve revealed something that
you would like to happen in reality and it didn’t come true; that is just part of life so I hope that this here in the friend zone has inspired you to go out and find a way out of it, it is completely in your control one way or another let us know in the comments and I’m really curious if you do go do this because I hope that no matter what happens, you will feel that self-esteem raise and maybe there will even come a relationship out of it. So if you enjoyed this video, make sure to subscribe to our Channel. I apologize for not having had more breakdowns on my end; I’m going to get back to those but I’ve been working really, really hard on a new course on emotional mastery and I’m super excited for it; I think
it’s one of the coolest things that I’ve ever made. If you want to know more about it when it comes out in a week or two, join our email list. I’ll make sure that there’s a link somewhere around here and in the description to join our email list when we launched that course. Subscribe, like I said, if you want more content and I will see you in the next video.

100 thoughts on “4 Steps To Escape The “Friend Zone”

  1. Hahaha i thought we dated for a year but we recently broke up and she only loved me as her brother. Brotherzoned!

    Edit:Now she's with another girl who i helped her be friends with who is also my crush!!!!

  2. Wow this has helped so much it made me realize that I need to go for it and in person I was just planning on doing it over text but in person here we go oh and I'm a girl and we feel pretty much the same at times

  3. All you have to do is be confident enough to tell her/show her how you actually feel. Do not be affraid of rejection,or the awkward situation. The moment you start talkin about it you will feel the pressure coming of your chest. Tell her is eather this way or we can't be friends like we were untill this point. Than just move on like a gentleman. If she really likes you like a friend,there might be a situation where you also are hurting her feelings because you don't want to hang out anymore but don't forget about yourself and the stuff you mentaly have to go trough because you see her contantly but can't get together romanticly. You got to be a bit selfish. Don't be mad,angry,frustrated no matter what she says. Respect her decision and simply wish her all the best from your heart. That's the only way to espace the friendzone. Than give it some time. Even if a part of her likes you in that way she will probably not say yes right there on the spot. But the main thing is to not stick around once you have feelings for the girl and you definetly have to tell her about your feelings. Again,confidence is key.

  4. I got rejected 😭, "From the conversation I had with you about what Rebecca said, didn't you take a conclusion? 🤦‍♀️😹 I told you, you are ok as a friend, and that is all."

  5. Welp, im not even in the friendzone, the girl I like is just really shy, so I have no idea how to even be friends with her :/

  6. Love it. I hope I can use it in my love who lives a few hours away from me. I've been a bit leery about long-distance relationships, but then again, same with dating relationships in general since my last breakup. At least I haven't got the problem mentioned in the video about being stuck on one person.

  7. when u think about how hot ur crush is and how pretty but the moment u think about relationship, u start to regret to like anyone.

  8. This is probably the most compact, stunning, eye-opening, honest video and piece of advice I have seen so far. Not only on this topic, but life in general.

  9. Wow I realize I need to pursue singing.. life long karaoke dreams were signaling I was meant to go for this passion. I find you so inspirational!!

  10. Hello everyone, I am trying to help young men who have nice guy syndrome break free from the Friend Zone and become a more confident and attractive male. I am trying to interview and gather knowledge so I can solve there problems the best. I am trying to find…

    1. What the 2 biggest problems are that you are facing as a "nice guy" / somebody who is stuck in the Friend Zone?
    2. Being a guy who is stuck in this position, where do you wish to be?

    Feel free to comment down below or direct message me and tell me your answers if you are experiencing or have experienced this problem. Hopefully I can help you and find out the biggest problems young men are facing that are in this position, thanks! 😀

  11. I’m literally stuck it’s pretty much life in Alcatraz I’ve asked her out 3 times and she’s rejected me every single time and I was told that be persistent and it’ll show her your confidence and she’ll be interested a little and we’re best friends me and her are #1 friends to each other and I’m pretty sure she’ll friend zone ‘e the next time cause yesterday she said “I love you… as a friend”

  12. Ummm, I didn't hide my feelings one bit, and sill got friendzoned XD. So I don't understand how this video can apply any help. Also she said that she didn't believe that I had a crush on her, so that's why I got friendzoned…

  13. By chasing or not chasing doesn’t mean you will get the girl! In the end, be alone! And focus on yourself! Women will not make you happy they will always disappoint you! Make yourself happy a woman is never happy!

  14. If she’s wants you , she will move mountains 🏔 to be with you. If not move on to someone who will. If not be alone and make yourself the best you can be for yourself!

  15. My friends tell me that I've been friendzoned by my crush, but I don't believe in the friend zone. Therefore, I continue my colonization and see if I win the battle.

  16. Bro I just messaged my crush and I said “tbh I want us to talk more and get to know each other”. She responded with “ I honestly just saw us as good friends”.

  17. I have been best friends with this guy since the age of 2, i have liked him for about 6 years now, im scared to confess because if it gets akward id loose him as a friend

  18. What if you put yourself in the friend zone because you think her and your homie would be great with each other? You have feelings for her as well but don’t want to provoke anything negative

  19. So I've been in love with my friend for around 4 years (8th grade – Now). In 8th grade I tried to tell her before but I was scared so I decided to get a friend to do it for me when he asked her for me she said "Yes….wait…no…idk." Then rushed back into her house. The next day I wrote her a love letter confessing my feelings, once I got done with the letter I told a friend to give it to her (I know cringe) but when she asked me about it I froze up and said it wasn't me. A couple weeks later a friend told me that she said that she is going to act like she likes me just to mess with me. (I know it should've been a sign but I convinced myself she didn't say it. And to be completely honest I don't know for sure if she did really say that.) When 9th grade started we were still close friends, we would call each other brother and sister just for fun because we both had a red zit 😂. But as that year started to went on we started to not really talk anymore. When 10th grade started we didn't even talk at all maybe one hello…that's all. When 11th grade started we had the same class together, at first it was awkward because we didn't really hang out anymore but as the first week passed we became good friends again. But one day one of my friends was joking around and told her that she should date me…and…when I looked at her to see her reaction she shook her head no with her face all weird. (Don't know how to explain the way it looked.) When I seen that reaction my heart felt so weird …I don't know how to word it but…idk. As the year went on it felt like she was giving me signals, because one day we were walking and she wrapped her arm around mine, sadly I pulled away in fear. (The next day I saw her doing it with someone else….) And another day she said I was cute when we were alone at a table …and I acted like I didn't even hear her say it. During the summer going into 12th grade, me and a friend were hanging out bored so we decided to invite her over to my house. When the night was progressing I caught my friend making out with her one my own bed… It's not his fault it's my own fault because I never told him I was in love with this girl. Sadly me and that friend do not talk anymore because every time I look at him I'd be full of anger, jealousy, and sadness… to this day I rarely talk to this old friend. Once the 12th grade started (Now) we had a 2nd period together we would talk and stuff, but sadly she had her that class switched but we still do talk to each other every time we cross paths or just hang out 😁. When homecoming was approaching we had to pick people for homecoming court (Basically a popularity contest.) Me and her were talking about who we thought would be on it, we even made a list 😆. When it was time for voting I made the homecoming court!!! As the next couple of weeks went by I noticed her looking at me in a different way, she had flirty smile and her eyes were glossy when looking at me. (That's what it looked like to me.) I was confused on what it meant, so I just kept it to myself. When homecoming week started I noticed her giving me the exact same flirty glossy eye smile, and I did nothing about it bc I was scared. Later on in that week we were at the library, she was sitting at one table and I was sitting at the other. Around 5 minutes before the bell rung she came to my table to talk to one of my friends that's been in the hospital, I was looking at her the whole time, and then she looked at me we locked eyes and I quickly looked away. When the day of homecoming came we didn't really talk until the end bc she was with her group of girls and I was with some of my friends jumping up and down in the middle getting hyped 😝. But we it started to end our group of friends merged together so we started talking for a little once we were done she started dancing. When she was dancing I started to talk to my friend but then I felt her bump her booty on my leg (I think it was an accident so idk 😶) I stood there still talking to my friend afraid to do anything… after homecoming there was an after party we talked for a bit but I don't really remember the rest because I drank to much "apple juice". IF ANYONE COULD GIVE ME ADVICE PLEASE TELL ME BC I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO…😖🙏

  20. Me and her are best friends I admitted to her I had feelings for her before and when we were talking I was type flirty and she was smiling and having little giggles so I’m confused

  21. So what Happened he friend zoned me and we have break in a few days I'm going make me look and feel better about me!

  22. For men, have the attitude, healthy confidence and mindset (without arrogance) that there is no way that a woman would ever choose to be in your friend zone if she thought there was a chance she could be more. This takes the pressure off both parties; and women love it when a guy is just a straight shooter and not worried if someone likes them or not.

  23. "Dad-zoned" is the worst.
    Me: "Hey, want to go out some time?"
    Her: "No. You're like a dad to me."
    Me: "Huh? How come?"
    Her: "Cause you're dating my mom."
    Me: "That tramp? She means nothing to me!"

  24. This is how i got friendzones on instagram

    Me-So i know i don't usually text you but like,i like you and i know you don't like me but i just wanted you to know
    Me-I Also know you hate me soo

    Him:I don't hate you
    Him-I just haven't talked to you in awhile thats all

    Me-I also heard a few people said you have a girlfriend so i try to keep distance

    Him-I have a girl , but we can still just be friends

    Me-oh ok..

    conversation ended

    Me and him known each other since kindergarten and didn't start being friends until 3rd grade ,know were in 8th oof

  25. 3:40
    That actually happened to me. It was senior year in high school. Prom was coming up and I asked the girl I liked for years to go to prom with me. She told me she would’ve said yes but she already said yes to another guy. I told her to ditch the other guy and go with me instead, jokingly. I instantly said no don’t do that, that wouldn’t be fair to him. She just laughed. Then I told her something like, “listen. I don’t think I’m going to see you much anymore so I want you know that I’ve always like you for years. I think you are very pretty and when I spend time with you I feel so happy. I don’t feel this way with anyone else and I want to be with you. I want to be your boyfriend. Would you like to go out with me?” And she just laughed. It was more of a nervous embarrassed laughter but she still laughed. She then said “NOOO!!! You’re suppose to be my friend!” Then I told her “I’m not interested in being your friend. I want to be more than a friend with you.” She was still giggly and she said “no I don’t like you that way.” I replied “well then, I cannot continue to be your friend anymore. I don’t want to see you again.” I then hugged her, wished her a happy life, and walked away. I was so crushed. I can’t remember everything we said to each other, but it felt so long. I found my sister and began to cry. Unfortunately for my this is common to me when it comes to attracting women. Even though I’ve had nothing but failed relationships, I said to myself that this was the last time I will ever cried for a girl. I am a failure when it comes to attracting women and relationships but at this point I don’t really care anymore. I now realize that women will no longer dominate my life and if I have to be a single virgin loser for the rest of my life so be it.


  26. This video is useless. One does not simply "Escape the friendzone". If you try you will be ruining the friendship that you have

  27. She broke up with her bf. We had some weird friend with benefits relationship for a few weeks. She said she loved me , I told her I loved her. Now she told me I was like her gaybestfriend

  28. So we broke up and are now best friends like we do everything together still maybe they just never had feelings for me but I still like them and oh my god it’s killing me spending every day with them as their ‘best friend’

  29. Ladies, I don't know why many of you would watch this video, but I'm sure these reasons exist. Let me give you some advice from the perspective of a guy who gets friend zoned a lot.

    You aren't hiding anything when you go for the soft nonconfrontational rejection. I don't mean to be rude, just don't use the worn out lines we've all heard before.

    If I tell a woman how I feel, and she goes, "Awwwe, that's so sweet." I'm waiting for the next shoe to drop, and it's likely to be something like, "I really like you, and you're a really great guy," That is always the beginning of a statement which ends with a rejection but a request to stay friends.

    "I only like you as a friend," or "Can we just stay friends," "You're like my brother," etc. These lines are iinfffuriating. Please don't use them. We know what you are actually saying.

    Sometimes, there's a reeeeason, sometimes not, and if therre is, it sometimes sounds really shallow, but you aren't attracted to him. I actually disagree with the guy makinnng the video a little bit, because I have been told, by some women, thatt how close we are as friends is what keeps them from seeeeeing me as someone they could date.

  30. I agree with all of this man, except for the “kiss her” part after just getting a yes to asking her on a date or whatever. Bc you said yourself, youre not ready to start a relationship yet

  31. YouTube and Google likely have more information about myself than I could be able to remember, and somehow, despite the fact that this video totally existed, is recommending me this a year later than I would've needed it. Thanks, data overlords. Great moves, keep it up.

    (Not that I can't or won't still try. It just would've saved me some time lmao)

  32. The girl I like is the most amazing person in the world, I'm only 11 but I really have strong feelings for her. I told her the other day and she wants to be friends. Also, she likes someone else. What should I do?

  33. people has told me that if you really want your crush to like you stay away from her for a while. but thats just the problem I CANT STAY AWAY FROM HER!!!! it may be the way for her to start to like me but i cant stay away from her. i just cant!!!!

  34. I don't get this hahaha I told her how i feel and suprise suprise she doesn't feel the same way😅 And I thought okay but at least I won't be in a friendzone anymore but she still wants to stay friends hahah guys what to do now?😂😂

  35. Maybe you could say: this is going the wrong way with me. I'm starting to like you too much, or, I think I'm falling in love a little. Sorry for that, wasn't my plan…
    Turn around and walk away.

  36. He is right , we men put ourselves in the friend zone. It is a balancing act , too fast you scare them off , not enough the dreaded friend zone. Dating a 23 year young girl now , I'm 54 . But she is interested. Got to remember that BEING needy is a horrible mistake , the attraction of older guys is they are self assured and have resources. But I don't want to be the father figure , just BAD father. Good advice though thanks for posting.

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